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Patterns of Co-Dependency

(These characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.

They may be particularly helpful to individuals as they begin to understand co-dependency.)



  • My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

  • My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

  • Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.

  • My mental attention is focused on you.

  • My mental attention is focused on manipulating you (to do it my way).

  • My self esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.

  • My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.

  • My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.

  • Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

  • Your behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

  • I am not aware of what I want -- I ask what you want. I am not aware -- I assume.

  • The dreams that I have for my future are linked to you.

  • My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

  • My fear of anger determines what I say or do.

  • I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

  • My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

  • I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

  • I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.

  • The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

 

The following are some clinical clues 

1. SUPER-RESPONSIBILITY - If I don't take care of things, they just won't get done.
2. PSEUDO-FRAGILITY - I don't know how much more of this I can take.
3. HYPOCHONDRIA - I hardly get over one cold when I catch another.
4. POWERLESSNESS - I've tried everything to get him to stop.
5. SELF-BLAME - I should have planned for that.

Un-dependent Communities

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